Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
