can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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