So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
