Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
