cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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