Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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