At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
