I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
