I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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