I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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