ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My life is pants optional.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
