I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
