I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
