I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
