Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
