I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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