Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
