I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
