Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think I sprained my soul last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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