Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
