just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is it penis luge time yet?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
