I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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