He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We have so much sex to catch up on
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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