I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
