i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
its not stalking. its research.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
