smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
