i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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