you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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