So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
