sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
