If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
