I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
