I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
