I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We had sex on a dog bed..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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