what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
