Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
