And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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