shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
