he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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