I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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