It's Friday. Sex?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
