The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
