Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
