dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
