so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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