Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
