No, you can still breathe under the balls.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
