yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
