Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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