addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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