I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
