the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
