Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
