WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
