i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
